Monday, January 7, 2013

Muffins vs Cupcakes

Originally published on Saturday, June 2, 2012.

This post is inspired by  Cake Versus Pie: A Scientific Approach written by the very talented Hyperbole and a Half. Please check her out, I promise you won't be sorry. 

My good friend Jessica and I were talking about 'Cake versus Pie' and I brought up the idea of creating a blog post around the pros and cons of Muffins and Cupcakes. We discussed the topic at length in between class and came up with many arguable points as to why muffins are superior to cupcakes. 

I could make this into a series with similar post for topics such as 'Coffee vs Tea' and anything else you, as viewers would like to read about. Also please feel free to comment points on each topic that you feel are important that I may have missed.

1. Muffins are more sexually versatile.

Whether you're a boy or a girl, you can eat a muffin in public without passersby questioning your sexuality. Cupcakes, on the other hand, are a universally female-dominated baked treat.

For the record, homosexuality doesn't bother me. 

2. Muffins are more original.

Cupcakes are known around the globe for the fact that they are a personal sized cake. Muffins don't feel the need to copy other baked goods. They are their own pastry. Cupcakes are the kid brother of regular cake.

3. Muffins are healthier.

Muffins have more options health-wise than cupcakes. For example, if you make a muffin whole wheat, it's still a muffin. If you make a cupcake whole wheat it's becoming a border-line muffin. 

4. Muffins are better for sharing.

When you have a muffin in hand, you're more likely to share it with those around you than when you have a cupcake. When people have cupcakes, they tend to be protective of the little cake. Cupcakes breed greediness, therefore the situation may become hostile.

5. Muffins have more flavour possibilities.

When creating muffins, there is an unrealistic amount of potentialities when choosing flavour options and combinations. Cupcakes, on the other hand, prove to provide a disappointingly low number of conceivably enjoyable flavours.

6. 'Muffin' is a more widely accepted nickname for both boys and girls.

Calling your boyfriend/fiance/husband 'Muffin' in public is marginally less embarrassing than if you call him 'Cupcake'. Plus 'Muffin' is an acceptable nickname for your man to call you with out seeming like too much of a, for lack of a better word, sissy.

I didn't feel the need to incorporate an illustration for this point.

7. Muffins are less messy.

When eating a muffin, you can easily eat the top then proceed devouring the rest of it with minimal mess. But when eating a cupcake, it can be difficult consuming it because of its uneven consistency.
Generally speaking, cupcakes are much spongier than muffins and crumble more easily. You are at an even greater risk of crumbling after eating the cupcake top because when peeling the cup off, there's not very much left to hold the rest of the little thing together. And then all you have is a mess filled with disappointment. 

8. Muffins have a more equal flavour ratio.

Muffins usually have even flavour throughout its mass. Cupcakes tend to have icing and sometimes even sprinkles on top. This leads to uneven distribution of flavour and makes the rest of the cupcake undesirable and therefore a waste.

How to improve cupcakes:

How to improve cupcakes based on the previous eight points.
1. Make a manlier version of cupcake to create more attraction from the male populace.
2. I have no ideas at this time, but I will update this if Jessica or I come up with anything.
3. Omega 3 cupcakes. Fibre-tastic cupcakes. Whole wheat cupcakes. Case and point.
4. This is more of a self improvement thing, but if you must blame the cupcakes, make them not as yummy.
5. Either break out your mixing bowl and spatula and get creative, or eliminate unneeded muffin flavours.
6. Use cupcake as a nickname more often or stop using muffin.
7. Reformulate all cupcake recipes or be more careful.
8. Stop icing cupcakes or make cupcakes into tiny layer cakes.


Although the saying is "Muffins are just ugly cupcakes", I firmly believe that muffins are the superior race of baked goods between the two. So what if muffins aren't as easy on the eyes? They have style, Swag, if you will. Cupcake are a little prissy for my taste. Based on the reasons given above, I state that muffins were, are, and always will be better than cupcakes. If you say otherwise, I would be delighted to read your side of the story. Leave a comment or a link to a blog post or site below.

Have a great day!

1 comment:

  1. Loved it! Nice job showing that muffins are indeed better.